Quiero

The past few years, I’ve done a mix of writing in a journal and writing posts on this site. Writing has been a way I’ve found helps me process my thoughts much more clearly. I’ve written about love and heartbreak, my dreams and aspirations, my faith, my frustrations and hurdles. One thing, through anything, I’ve always been characterized by, is a resilient positivity, which I attribute fully to a perspective focused on explaining the world and finding meaning through God. This positivity has always been laced with idealism… which I’ve grown to have a love/hate relationship with. Idealizing people has left me burned more than once in my love life. But has also sparked a fire under my already achievement oriented, ambitious personality. I get that from my dad, he’s a workaholic.

A little over a year ago, I accepted a job for a major retail corporation in America. It seemed to be everything I had been searching for – a human resources and leadership based position in the retail industry, working for an esteemed company and for a salary that would make sure I never struggled to pay my rent after going out with friends on a Friday night. I’ve written extensively about what this experience has been like for me. It’s been a mix of everything – some of the greatest achievements, learning opportunities, and most challenging days of my life, all wrapped up in one shiny, red and khaki bow.

The only other option I had truly been considering in college, was the opportunity to go abroad to teach english in Spain. After spending two summers in Spain, everyone who knew me was certain I would go back. My high school friends even used to joke back in 8th grade, that I would be the friend to move to Spain and leave everyone. I wanted that opportunity to badly. This could also partly be attributed to my older brother, having lived abroad as a professional basketball player for five years after his Division 1 college career. He’s now living in downtown Cincinnati as a first year medical student. If it’s not clear by now, I’ve always felt the need to prove myself to be just as successful as my brother. I can be as smart, as well traveled, as athletic, as “perfect” as he is. Don’t get me wrong, he is my greatest role model in life, and he never put pressure on me to have those thoughts. I think comparison is only natural between siblings, and David has been nothing but nurturing to my growth.

I received a call from Target that was a job offer while I was actually on the phone with a friend that had accepted the english teaching position in Spain, and was having a less than ideal experience with it. Talk about ironic timing. Ultimately, with my brother moving home, so many of my closest friends staying in Columbus, and a job that made all the sense in the world to my professional goals to accept, I decided I wasn’t ready to leave Columbus. I stayed. I rationalized, that if living abroad was meant for me, there would be a different way to achieve that goal, that wouldn’t require accepting a job I had no interest in and knew very little about.

Cue all the writing about the challenges this year has brought, both personally, and professionally. Even with all those close friends staying in Columbus, it turns out it’s a lot harder to spend time with people when you work 50-60 hours a week.

Just last week, I took my first real, big-girl vacation from work. Two friends from college and I went to visit my best friend Katie, who actually did accept the teaching job in Spain. And wow, what a week it was. Two days in New York, one long day of travel, two days in Lisbon, another crazy day of travel, and three days in Madrid. It was the kind of trip I will tell my kids about, inside jokes my friends and I will reference for years to come, and the first time I didn’t think or worry at all about my job for more than a 12 hour period of time.

Our last night in Madrid, an old college friend came to see us before leaving. Her name is Sam, and Sam is so brave. She told us the story of what she had done since graduating a year before we did – she accepted a job with Disney, wore fancy Banana Republic outfits into work every day, and had a 401(k). She liked her job just fine and thought Disney was a fantastic company, but ultimately knew herself and doubted that this job and lifestyle was what she really wanted. And just like that, she quit, moved to Costa Rica for a summer, and has lived in Madrid ever since.

She described her coworkers at Disney as people buying refrigerators and getting married, and how she just wasn’t in that phase of life yet. Boy, did I relate to that. Of my six coworkers in my store (of the same position/leadership level as me), two have been married in the last year, one is pregnant, and four out of six of them are over the age of 28. I’m 23, single, and lucky enough to say I am debt-free.

I don’t want to sound like I’m taking an incredible first job for granted. In so many ways, I can see how completely blessed I am to be afforded this position and the benefits it brings. I am generally happy. Especially after getting accustomed to my team and store, I feel pretty comfortable in my role, and I know there is a high possibility of upward mobility. Not to mention, my home is with three of my best friends, in the neighborhood I love most in Columbus, and is walking distance from the grocery store, my favorite coffee shop, my gym, and my guitar lessons. I belong to a church I love. Life is good. But why do I feel like I’m missing it? And what is it?

We were sitting on a hill with a beautiful view of the entire community of Madrid. We were eating empanadas, drinking wine, and watching the sunset. I was with five of my best friends. It was our last night in Spain, and I was overcome with sadness. I cried, like the crazy American blonde girl I am, in the metro, walking down Gran Via, in Katie’s apartment. Why was I so overcome with emotion?

I’ve always been bad with goodbye’s, and I knew I wouldn’t be seeing Katie for a few months. Madrid is a city I love. But when I think about it, the sadness really started as I had listened to Sam. The girl brave enough to quit her corporate job. The girl fluent in Spanish from living abroad. The girl who spoke so wisely about life and what it means to really live it, not go through your routines in comfort.

So it’s like this. I think I know the answer. I think I do. But taking the next step is so hard. I don’t want to forget how I felt and shove these emotions under my comfort here in Columbus. I want to remember. I want to be happy. I want to take action. I want to be brave. I want to be that girl.

I want to get a Master’s degree. I want to become well versed in my political beliefs and in international relations. I want to start my own business that helps people and gives work a sense of meaning. I want to live abroad. I want to be fluent in Spanish. I want to have a lifestyle where I’m not so stressed I plan out the exact thirty two minutes I need to do my laundry on a Wednesday night. I want to value my relationships above all, with God at the forefront of everything I do. I want to live with a view of the mountains. I want to be walking distance from the beach. I want to find completely uninhibited love, and start a family with that person. I want to adopt a child. I want to take care of my parents when they grow old. I want to be someone people say is selfless, joyful, and balanced.

What are my long term plans? I wish I could tell you. The good news is, there’s someone else in charge of that, anyways. But I can’t forget the reawakening this trip gave me of what I truly want.

 

A Forever of Sorts

I am in a forever of sorts. About eight months out of college, and six months in to my first full-time job.

Boy, what a crazy six months it has been. I have a wide variety of responsibility. And most of the people I’m managing are twice my age. Sometimes I find myself thinking, I’m still just a kid, how do I handle this…. I know it’s truly great experience for whatever path I choose to follow in the future. Whether to stay with this company, go back for an MBA, or pursue a new opportunity, I’m going to be better prepared because of this experience.

One of the toughest parts of the job is the long hours it requires. I work over 50 hours, every week. Is that what I want? No, but I try to justify to myself, saying my first few years out of college, I’ll put in the extra time, to put myself ahead the extra mile.

The long hours are tough for two reasons – there is still so much I want to do, places I want to see, things I want to accomplish on a personal level, that have nothing to do with my career. I wish I had time in the morning to read the news. I wish I could add another hobby or two to my schedule. I wish I could see my family more regularly. I’m trying to intermittently fit these things into my life, but I’ve signed so much of time away, to belong to someone else.

The other tough part, is that it starts to consume your identity. I found that I had to pause, and remind myself of who I was before I began work. Of who matters to me outside of work, of what I had done, how I define myself, before this place and these tasks and people were ever a part of my life. You will eventually move on and leave these people. You cannot let yourself be consumed in the crazy.

I remind myself, there will be highs and lows to every job. A lot of days, I feel as though this position is a great fit for both my personality and strengths. Other days I feel overwhelmed.

Besides work, the biggest adjustment to leaving college is the way it changes your relationships. You don’t live within two blocks of everyone you’re close to anymore… I honestly have a hard time keeping up on a consistent basis with most of my friends, something that had always been such an integral part of my identity. I’ve had to realize, that I’m not becoming a worse friend… Life is changing for all of us, and we have to find ways to appreciate the time we do still find together, as it’s scarcer. The group of people you talk to on a daily basis may be smaller, but it doesn’t mean those relationships have to be less fulfilling. Different is not worse.

I tried this year to stand up for myself like I’ve never done before within a relationship. I have a tendency of staying with someone until I’m so heart broken, and have such a laundry list of things that have hurt me, I’m absolutely positive it cannot work out. This time, he hadn’t necessarily done anything wrong. I just knew there were facets about who he was, that was not what I was looking for long-term. And while I had been unsure of my feelings in the beginning, I knew I was falling harder, but those things that just weren’t what I was looking for, were not going to change. So I ended it, even though I still cared, even though I still had so much fun with him. For a long time, I didn’t get why I was so upset, until a friend finally said to me – “You know why it’s so hard, don’t you? Why you’re so upset? You broke your own heart. You still cared, but you knew it wasn’t right. So you decided to let it go. You broke your own heart.”

He was so uniquely himself. I missed him so much, I began doubting everything that I was standing up for when I broke up with him.

2016, like any other year, has been a year of ups and downs. That break up was a low, running my first marathon was an extreme high, the west coast trip of a lifetime was phenomenal, work has been everything in between. But there will always be something, won’t there? Something you’re looking forward to, something you’re wrestling with, something that is changing. Life will never be settled; it will never be perfect.

So, with all the transition of 2016 and the thoughts it brought with, this is my 2017 resolution – to live by the quote: “You are far too smart to be the only thing standing in your way.”

Whether it be at work, in love, in relation to anyone or thing else I care deeply about, I will not be the force holding myself back from greatness. I am done with self doubt and insecurity. My 2017 resolution is to develop a sense of confidence and a sense of self that transcends daily life. A sense of self I can rely on to give me perspective as to what problems warrant frustration or fear, where I should invest my time and money, and confidence to handle whatever I am tossed into with grace.

The true question, is how do you do this?

Here is what I’m going to focus on in 2017 to help me get there:

  1. Wholehearted reliance on God as my constant, my savior. God, I need your help keeping you as the King of my life. I am selfish, I have a tendency to run. I know you are most high and king of all, I just ask for your grace and help in loving you, and serving you, the way I should.
  2. Not expecting perfection from myself. Remember, that humor and resiliency can generally bridge any gap where you may fall short.
  3. Travel as often as you can. Chicago, Spain, a hiking trip, a mission trip… Do not just go to see. Truly take in how big the world is, and how small you are.
  4. Skills that make me a more interesting person. Specifically for 2017, I want to try consistent yoga, reading more books, and practicing my Spanish more. For the rest of life, I also want to try photography, skiing, hiking, and guitar.
  5. Focus on your wellness. This makes all the difference. Run another marathon. Complete Kayla. Find another strength program you love. Do not sacrifice this time for yourself.
  6. Find time to volunteer on a monthly basis. You have so many amazing causes, organizations, and resources to tap into in Columbus 🙂
  7. At work – work hard, do your best, blow them away, and then rest. Do it all over again. Not perfection, but resilience. You’re still so new to your career, devote yourself to learning more and becoming a bad ass, but remember your outside identity, as well.
  8. Practice being more present in conversations. Be intrigued, be personable and share about yourself. Be compassionate. People are oceans. Dive deep.
  9. Keep up with the world around you. Find time for the news and your family and your neighbors and their problems and the problems of people you’ve never met before.
  10. Continue to love too much, to be vulnerable and open and expressive, and to never let the world dull your zest. Be wild and silly. Believe in the beauty that exists, even on the gray and gloomy days. You can always be the light that inspires another.
  11. Become an outdoors(wo)men, picking adventure over materialistic purchases, and spending time in the sunshine. Opt outside 🙂

This is what I will focus on while I know what the next year will hold. I say I’m in a forever of sorts, because I try and remind myself – should I find myself unhappy beyond repair of a long nap or a day off from work, I’m only ever one decision away from changing my entire life. This phase will continue into the foreseeable future as long as I want it to, but that’s the thing – only for as long as I want it to. I am the master of my fate. And the key, no matter what new environment, challenge, or situation is at hand, is in first and foremost trusting God to guide my hand, and in carrying a strong sense of who He made me to be while navigating ups and downs. No matter what forever I find myself in, I hope my 2017 resolution will follow me throughout the rest of my life.

What will be the next forever? Only time will tell……

A Life of Love

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-legend/penn-commencement-speech-2014_b_5358334.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

John Legend speaks about true love in this commencement speech. He says (and I agree), that it’s the most valuable thing, what makes life worth living for. But what is true love? How do we know it? Perfect, true love, is found only from our Lord, Jesus Christ, and his sacrifice for us. That is true love. 

“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you, he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” – Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV) 

This has always been one of my favorite verses, as it is so encouraging to me to live the life I have been called to live as a disciple of Jesus Christ. To live exactly as I feel called, not making choices out of security or fear, knowing that if you set your eyes on God, everything else will fall into place. Recently, I’ve been wrestling with the thought that I do not need to earn God’s grace, vs. the idea of being charged to do God’s work. How do these two essential Christian belief’s work together?

After thought, discussion, and prayer, this is what I’ve decided, and how I want to live: always acting in the belief that people matter. Acting in love. I just finished reading The Fault in Our Stars, and one of the protagonists, Augustus Waters, has this constant fear of oblivion. Of living a life no one will remember; of not getting the chance to perform good works and leave a mark for better on this world (which makes me incredibly thankful for the chances I’ve had and do have). The other protagonist, Hazel Lancaster, is constantly trying to understand why the fact that Augustus has impacted her, has positively changed her life, is not enough. I think there is truth in both their thoughts. I relate to the idealistic, adventurous, desire-to-serve side of Augustus Waters, who dreams of leaving an impact and being remembered and somehow saving the world. But I also relate to the views of Hazel, who stresses to Augustus that there is value in having touched even just one life: “to love deeply, if not widely.” How amazing is it that the Lord loves us both deeply as individuals, and widely, as the whole world’s only source of salvation.

Lord, give me your eyes to see the need, your will to serve and do, your hands and words to accomplish, and your abundant love and grace to spread.

So, to think again of the Deuteronomy verse, what are your favorite things to do? What are your true priorities? Focus on these things, as the Lord gave you these passions for a reason. Be COMPASSIONATE with all people, surround yourself with people and movements that excite you to get involved and help in some way, and serve as the “body of Christ,” that the church is charged with being. We are His hands, feet, arms, eyes, mouth, and whatever else he chooses to accomplish His purposes through us. As they say, “The only good works that will get accomplished are those we are willing to do.” Make the most of this life and these opportunities you are given, and not as a way of earning God’s grace. But because through Christ, you have a giant heart for others, that you cannot bear to not share with the world. Be selfless; be a blessing to others – someone that brings life to others. Love with your strengths to lift people up, not demand from them. Generate excitement, adventure, and genuine care. Be a thermostat that’s blasting energy! 

Lord, I pray for inner strength and peace that represents You well in every situation and circumstance I am in. Through Christ’s love for me, and that alone, I have a rock solid sense of security, and know that I can do whatever I am called to do in this life. I pray to live on the resurrection side of the cross, meaning that because we believe Jesus died for our sins and is our living savior, we can love God, ourselves, and others in unselfish ways, overcoming every challenge presented to us. Even in the midst of great difficulty, I love my Lord my God, and I know that he loves me. I trust You to work all things out for my good and refuse to worry, be anxious, or fearful, as I place my trust in the Lord. I pray you use me to touch the lives of my friends eagerly trying and willing to pursue your plans. Amen!!

Love Yourself

Love Yourself

One month. Only one month till I am halfway through college… And I can’t believe I’m already here!! All I can say as I look back on this year, is that it is absolutely AMAZING to see what God has done in my life. Thinking how I started this year in August, after growing with Christ on my own over the summer, I dealt with my first real heartbreak, lost my sense of confidence and security in my identity, and felt as though I was forcing myself to act and do the things I had always done and loved about myself. It was one of the lowest points in my life. This past weekend was the 2nd year Mount retreat, and it was truly a completion of coming 360 degrees from where I started. 

Forgiveness is so liberating. I had heard the phrase “Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.” And this is true, but I don’t think you can ever truly trust and love that person in the same capacity. But when you unexpectedly get that apology you waited for, I think you make an exception, and let that person back into your life. I got that apology on the retreat this weekend. It wasn’t upsetting, it wasn’t confusing, and it didn’t tear open any old wounds… It was uplifting and encouraging. I could feel how God had filled the holes in my heart. Now, I know God has been with me this entire year, even the times when I felt most broken and alone. It makes me think of the sand poem… Even when I was blind to it, God was with me, moving my life in amazing ways. 

They say some years are full of questions, and others, answers. I posted this link because it is filled with so many of the lessons I learned. It is 30 things to stop doing to yourself. Some of the pieces I truly connected with are:

Stop putting your own needs on the back burner: “The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.”

Stop berating yourself for old mistakes: “we may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.”

Stop holding grudges: “Forgiveness is not saying ‘What you did to me is okay.’ It is saying, ‘I’m not going to let what you did ruin my happiness forever.'”

Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others: “Just do in your heart what you know is right.”

Stop overlooking the beauty of the small moments: “The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.”

Stop following the path of least resistance: “Do something extraordinary.”

Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t: “[…] there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.”

Stop worrying so much: “Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.”

From all these things… I’ve learned what you SHOULD do. Love and thank God every day. Love yourself. Make time for yourself. Live adventurously, untamed, and present in every moment. Appreciate your loved ones and spend more time with people who make you laugh, inspire you, and lift you up. Try every day, to really live to the fullest, and give your gifts to this world and these people. 

Hope is powerful. It is only three months into this year, and there are so many incredible things I am looking forward to. I am surrounded by absolutely amazing people. I am completing Mount; even though I haven’t finished all my hours, I know I was being called elsewhere. I am so enthusiastic about my friends in SAC and staying connected to them. I feel as though I am figuring out career options that make me excited and capitalize on my strengths. I am studying abroad this summer, one of my life long dreams, with one of my best friends. I am riding 100 miles, and raising $850, pushing myself for a cause so much bigger than myself, in Pelotonia 2014. I am really paving the way and creating a role in the chapter for my director position as Alumnae Relations in Chi Omega. I am living in my sorority house next year, to be a light for God and amazing friend to all of my sisters. I am applying for two of my dream jobs: a University Ambassador at Ohio State, as well as an internship at the non-profit my sorority works with, the Make-A-Wish foundation. I am doing things I feel in my heart God has given me a passion for, and I’m growing every single day.

I keep a busy schedule. A lot of people will say, “It is okay to be happy with a simple life.” But through all of these amazing things, I have connected with so many people, and had the chance to be a woman of influence for Jesus Christ in so many peoples lives, even including my family. I know God is calling me to reach out to people, for Him. The opportunities He has already given me this year have blown me away, and I know they will only continue to come. God is truly amazing. 

It’s funny, because a year ago, I seemed to know everything would change. I like to think that all the instances “intuition” kicks in, is God speaking. I felt Him guiding me into the relationship that broke my heart. I was so happy, but so nervous, because I had this feeling it would all change. I thanked God, telling Him my worry that everything would change; and boy, did it ever. 2013 and 2014 is the first full year of my life dedicated to Jesus Christ, and I have been so radically changed in such a short time. God has healed me. He has given me a sense of security and confidence in who I am. He has been with me through it all, leading through the dark, so that I could reach the light, a point of greater happiness and fulfillment than I even began with. He has given me lessons on living; He has given me peace. He has given me hope for the future. He has given me two huge gifts: a love for others, and a spirit for adventure. I thank you God, and pray that I will always use these gifts to keep working in His name and for His glory. I am so thankful for EVERYthing, including the bad times and heartbreak. It has led me to a transformation I could never have never imagined for myself, or achieved on my own.

Here is 2014, and the rest of the journey!!

How The People We Once Loved Become Strangers Again

Thought Catalog

It’s interesting to think about how we make people who used to be everything into nothing again. How we learn to forget. How we force forgetting. What we put in place of them in the interim. The dynamics afterward always tell you more than what the relationship did — grief is a faster teacher than joy – but what does it mean when you cycle out to being strangers again? Because you never really stop knowing each other in that way. Maybe there’s no choice but to make them someone different in your mind, not the person who knew your daily anxieties and what you looked like naked and what made you cry and how much you loved them.

When our lives revolve around someone, they don’t just stop revolving around them even if all that’s left is the grief and pain that comes with their memory. Because you loved…

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What People Do When They Don’t Really Love You

What People Do When They Don’t Really Love You… Thought Catalog is prime though!!!

Thought Catalog

I try to lace my work with optimism because a guiding principle in my own life has been that the most tragic things in our lives almost always precede the most incredible. I think that, at any given point, we are faced with the choice of whether to move on with what the universe gives and takes or to hold on and bury ourselves in our own misery. I do not perch on a high horse preaching this, because I have been in those depths, and I know what it’s like. I also know that there are few issues that will destroy you faster than matters of the heart. But what I must tell you is that while teaching myself to climb out of that sadness and attachment-laden-misery, I realized something that is a bit more realistic than optimistic, but so invariably true that it’s worth giving attention to.

When…

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Wrapping It Up

“Love is so short, forgetting is so long.’ – Pablo Nerudo […] when trying to move on, the moments we always go back to aren’t the mundane ones. They are the moments you saw sparks that weren’t really there, felt stars aligning without having any proof, saw your future before it happened, and then saw it slip away without any warning. These are moments of […] extreme joy, intense passion, wishful thinking, and unthinkable letdown. The [experiences] that went from zero to a hundred miles per hour and then hit a wall and exploded. […] And when the dust settled, it was something I’d never take back. Because there is something to be said for being young and needing someone so badly, you jump in head first without looking. And there’s something to be learned from waiting all day for a train that’s never coming. And there’s something to be proud of about moving on and realizing that real love shines golden like starlight, and doesn’t fade or spontaneously combust.” – Taylor Swift; Red Prologue

Well, over one month into the year – and it is absolutely flying by. So much changes so fast, I can barely keep up. I wanted to come back to this quote before 2014 kept rolling and completely left this topic in the past. Some old pictures sparked some thoughts. This quote really spoke to me through what was one of the hardest struggles of last year, a break-up. Many months later (why it can’t just take a few days I’ll never know…), I’ve finally reached the light of the other side! I might still harbor some hurt feelings and “what if’s,” but those probably won’t ever go away (until they’re replaced (; !). Really, when you fall in love and it doesn’t work out, the pain is how you know you gave it all you had. Those negative feelings are proof you’re alive, you’ve learned, it was real and it mattered. Great! But you can’t harbor them and expect to live a positive life. This whole experience definitely gave me an insider view to the power of your thoughts!! Coming out on the other side, I can see it would have never worked out anyways… I was way too incredibly busy. I might have really loved him, but he was by no means “perfect” like I thought him to be, and my skewed view often prevented me from being authentically and unapologetically myself. If given the choice, I wouldn’t take it back; but I also wouldn’t go back [to him]. I did not quite have my life as sorted out and as organized as I believed I did. And I needed to learn the truth that life really is out of your control. “Break up” isn’t something I scheduled in my planner or would put on my resume. It was a huge reminder God has [possibly different] plans for me; so don’t take yourself, or life, too seriously. Rather, live up the moment, work diligently, and watch them unfold before you! Carpe diem, baby!!

God’s word has lessons galore from this whole experience!! 

Any break up will test your willingness to follow God’s simplest truths. God commands us to love and to forgive, just as he loves you and has forgiven you. God commands us to not speak ill of those who have sinned against us. God does on his own timing, not based on your desires. And lastly, the concept of “the one” – God works for the good of all those who love him, promising plans to prosper. But never does he promise to plan every detail of your life and to have a “correct” choice for every decision you will ever face. Pray and trust that you make decisions using the wisdom of God given to you through the Holy Spirit, and remember that he is omnipresent, already waiting for you in the future, to help you prosper under any decision you make as a child of God.

My favorite line is “And theres something to be proud of about moving on and realizing […] that real love doesn’t fade or spontaneously combust.” It’s a PERFECT description for the love of God. God loves you more in one second than anyone else can love you for an entire lifetime. When one problem, or one negative happening, pops up, it’s a perfect reminder of five other things to be thankful for. For example, a boy broke your heart? Thank God that his love is perfect. Thank God for showing his love through the continual support and chocolate-giving from the amazing people he has blessed me with. For giving me new things to be hopeful about and reminding me that the world will go on, as it is much bigger than my boy problems. As Jesus says “Take heart, for in this world you may have trouble, but I have overcome the world.” Thank you for making boys my biggest problem! And for reminding me that my worth is defined in him alone. I pray that God heals the wounds in my heart, teaching me to more greatly appreciate his grace and forgiveness. And I pray that God continually works on my heart to make me into a wife perfect for a man that loves him! I pray that God will continually mold me as his servant, using whatever gifts he has blessed me with to bring him glory. I pray that my life and presence may be a light and warmth to others; that I will always be someone that tells others they can; that I am slow to anger, and quick to love; that I am strong in my beliefs and bold in my faith.

“But the attitude of faith is to let go, and to become open to the truth, whatever it might turn out to be.” – Alan Watts says it best!! Have faith. Let it go. Be open. Love God. XO